I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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