kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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