what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i drank out of a bidet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
