too bad you live with your parents still
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
