I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
