there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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