Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she pinky promised me she was 18
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
