mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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