I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
