He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
