the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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