"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
