dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
