Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
