i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i think i just lost a toe
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize