I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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