he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
