I'm drive I can fine osifer
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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