Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
