I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
