At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
