ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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