It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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