You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
