it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
