I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
