Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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