no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
