the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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