I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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