They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
