the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
