I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
