Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
