I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just pee around me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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