ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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