Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
