She said her name was "party"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
