All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
