Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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