1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
