She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
