Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
