you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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