i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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