Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
