Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
