Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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