I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
