When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
