Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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