Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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