i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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