Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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