Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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