they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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