I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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