I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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