Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
honey bunches of taint.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
