SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
