I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
