Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
