Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How naked do you want me to be?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
