did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
