I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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