I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
