Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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