apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
