went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
