Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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