the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize