Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
