all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
