My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
