I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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