My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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