I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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