Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
