someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
