You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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