so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize