Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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